It was an incident that started during lunch in middle school. Among us, a group of us were chatting about random topics as we do every day. Due to the lack of English speaking among one of our friends, we were talking in Chinese. I was talking at the time when a few 6th graders came up and made fun of not only us but my accent individually. The experience was both shocking and embarrassing for me, as it wasn't something I had ever encountered before, which left a lasting impression on my appreciation of my language. Afraid others would hear me speak Chinese and acknowledge their perception of it was utterly an unwanted experience.

Consequently, I hid my Native language from others outside of my home because I was ashamed of how I sounded when speaking Chinese, which negatively affected my use of it. My use of Chinese wasn’t just reduced but completely unused in public when everyone was around. In my mind, I was fearful that others would judge me due to my voice, accent, or even my language. In that process, I became a monolingual English speaker outside of my home. As much as possible, I kept my native Chinese silence, keeping it only for myself and the people closest to me, the ones who wouldn't judge nor hurt my perceptions of my voice, to only be spoken in the comfort of my own home.

A moment would eventually change that during a fourth of July block party. Still, to this very night, I can picture the glowing lights in the night sky, the smoking grill, and the numerous msgs on the food from that night. It was getting late around eleven, getting close to the block party firework show. My skin tingled with anticipation as I lay on the hammock and waited for the fireworks to begin. The excitement of the event caused my heart to pound. Taking in the beauty of the night sky and its corresponding moonlight, starlight, and airglow, I stared up and glared for a while. Suddenly, In the midst of my drowsiness, as I was dazing at the sky, a footstep stomped on the steps leading to me, a relative of my mom sat beside me. Initially, we spoke in English, with small conversations of him asking me about my game and grade level, but then my mother came by and I spoke with her in Chinese, which surprised him. Due to him being aware of many American-born Chinese who couldn't converse in their native language, he was shocked and quickly switched the language. The remainder of our conversation was conducted in Chinese, as he asked me why I didn't use my native language more often. As a response, I explained to him that I was uncomfortable speaking Chinese with others because it felt like a burden imprinted on me, one I had not appreciated in a while. After all, I fear others' reactions when I speak Chinese, thereby affecting how I interact with Chinese people. His response was "you should be lucky, why hide a gift like that"? What he said next struck me, “There is one thing I want you to know about language in America: knowing English doesn't always suffice, so embrace it instead of hiding it.” I was confused because English is a widely used language both in formal and informal settings. He told me something that has stuck with me to this day, something that I had undervalued before. He said, “You are lucky to be able to use your gift, your Chinese, and communicate with not just me, but your parents and grandparents. Not every child gets that opportunity, so don’t be afraid of talking in your native language.” My view of language has been shaped by these words, which have taught me that one's ability to communicate with someone in one's native language is a gift. Unlike the majority of Americans, I, Jacky Liang, possess a gift, a luxury that others can't afford. I have been blessed from childhood with a gift, which has allowed me to share many things with my native Chinese community, allowing me to share my knowledge and life simply by communicating with them. So why would I hesitate to speak my native language because I fear being judged? I gradually incorporated Cantonese into my daily life and became comfortable speaking Chinese, no longer fearing others' judgments or feeling incapable of speaking my native language spontaneously.

As the night grew dark and the breeze waned, the event came to an end. I left with a changed mindset, and I valued my language more than I had ever done before. Through my transformation from feeling uneasy to understanding the importance of myself and language, I’ve become more accepting of myself. It was very fortunate of me to have met him and I will carry his words along because I am proud of my native tongue, Chinese.